Single Shot: How to be a cheap date
Despite economic crisis, good times can be a dime a dozen
Now that the economy’s officially in the toilet — or should I say flailing about in the sewer? — it’s no surprise that singles are looking for imaginative ways to maximize their dating dollars, to get the most, uh, bang for their buck.
But can we truly trim the fat on infatuation? Put a spending cap on courtship? You bet your bottom dollar — provided you still have one. Herewith, a few tips on how to become a cheap date.
Granted, the pickings can be slim — or perhaps I should say “voluptuous” or “exceedingly husky” — but if you don’t mind a preponderance of goofy photos (sunsets, high school graduation shots, genitalia), obnoxious expectations (“looking for beautiful deaf-mute with big ta-tas”) and the occasional pyramid scheme or prostitution sting, Craigslist can be a thrifty dater’s paradise.
Rather not find a soul mate in the same place where you picked up a worm bin and 50 pounds of free horse manure?
No problem. Free personal sites are one of the hottest new trends in online dating, according to Mark Brooks, editor of Onlinepersonalswatch.com. The top three contenders, as ranked by Hitwise, are Plentyoffish, DateHookup and OkCupid, but there are many more, including HOT or NOT, Webdate, Matchdoctor, Bookofmatches and Smooch.
Forced to give up your ISP and hock your computer to make rent? No worries. Try doing things old-school by actually leaving the house and meeting people face to face. If it feels too awkward, just hand them a printed copy of your online profile as an icebreaker.
Truly, it’s about confidence, not collagen or hair color or clothes.
So does that mean we all have to start dressing like sad-sack Texas polygamists? Hardly. Instead, go for poorhouse chic by combing the consignment shops, embracing Value Village vogue and holding clothing swaps with your BFFs. If there’s something particularly juicy (couture or otherwise) that you simply have to have, take a page from the book “The Necklace,” the story of 13 women who time-share an expensive piece of jewelry.
Whether it’s a Fendi bag or a fabulous first-date dress, it’ll be much more appealing split five ways (and, no, I don’t mean literally).
Poverty — it’s the new black.
Too grim? Perhaps, but we are going to have to learn to dial it down, to conduct low-cost courtships, which shouldn’t really be a problem since dating has never been about spending money but spending time together — and maybe eventually having sex. Which I wouldn’t exactly characterize as a “cheap” thrill considering all the hidden costs (and I’m not just talking about lingerie).
Indulge if you must (safely and sanely), but also consider taking your date dancing (provided that’s still legal after the election).
Or spend the evening playing cards. Take a ferry ride — or a bike ride. Go for a hike. Or hit a bookstore for a free author reading. Cruise the art galleries (complimentary wine and cheese!). Play a few rounds of pub trivia (bring a flask). Go to dinner at your sister’s house. Rent a movie and make out on the couch.
Plant a garden and learn how to can. Go to the grocery store and snack on the samples. Clean out each other’s closets. Sort each other’s recycling. Watch the news and weep uncontrollably. And if all else fails, take your date into the bedroom and play Monopoly with all that worthless money stuffed under your mattress.
